Let the games begin

pehpeh at 6:38 PM

Monday, April 25, 2005

my parents are arguing again. this seems to be happening quite frequently nowadays. i have no idea why. me and my sis just ran into my room and are hiding and studying/gaming/talking until they stop arguing and we dare to come out again. =( haiz. i hope this matter gets sorted out soon whatever it is. i think i can hear them arguing about how its my sis's exams soon and how my father is too relaxed over it and my mom is too strict over it etc. haiz...they'll probably come in and scold us next. me for not encouraging my sister to study harder and my sister for not studying harder. ohwells. and my sis says hi everyone.

pehpeh at 11:23 PM

lol this is the funniest video i've watched for some time

pehpeh at 8:05 PM

Sunday, April 24, 2005

my sister bought me a black "be strong" wristband! yays!!!! i love my sister! =)

pehpeh at 2:25 PM

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Playlist :
Savage Garden - I want you
Vengaboys - We're going to Ibiza
Kit Chan - Home
Third Eye Blind - Semi-charmed life
Michael Learns to Rock - 25 minutes
Nina - 99 red balloons
Phil Collins - You'll be in my heart
Police - Every Breath You Take
Richard Marx - Now and forever
Suede - Everything will flow

pehpeh at 10:50 AM

Thursday, April 21, 2005

i had a long "talk" with my parents today. talk as in they talk and i listen. talk as in they scream at me and i sit there accepting all of it. i accepted it. mainly because i deserve it. what have i accomplished over these few years of my life? nothing. what have i done to make them proud of me? nothing. what have i done to repay all their efforts to bring me up as a somewhat decent person? the answer should be obvious by now. nothing. its not helping that i've been feeling very lost about stuff nowadays. i don't know the answer to anything. the cheerful facade i put up is just that. a facade. i hide in this shell and let my thoughts chase themselves round and round until i get a headache. and i'm not coming out until i've sorted my life out.
so for now its goodbye to the world.

pehpeh at 8:06 PM

(When this began)
I had nothin' to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I'd let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
(Nothin' to lose)
Just stuck
Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long
(Erase all the pain 'til it's gone)
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like I am close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong

And I've got nothin' to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Lookin' everywhere
Only to find that it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
Cause I can't justify the way everyone is lookin' at me
(Nothin' to lose)
Nothin' to gain
Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today

I wanna heal
I wanna feel like I'm
Somewhere I Belong

I wanna heal
I wanna feel like I'm
Somewhere I Belong
Somewhere I Belong

pehpeh at 8:03 PM

Sunday, April 17, 2005

updateonmylife.
this whole week i have done nothing at all. lols.
monday : went to tantockseng hospital to get an injection that really really hurt lol. i dunno why on earth it hurt so much also...the last time i took it it hurt much less. =( gary didn't think it was that painful also lol.
tuesday : for some weird reason...i can't remember what the hell i did on this day. *ponders* maybe dings is correct and i have no memory at all. lols. i am very sure i went back to RJC because tuesday is go back to visit cybergaming day! but i can't remember anything. forget it. lol
wednesday : another day that i remember ABSOLUTELY nothing about. omg. my memory sucks! i THINK i went back RJC but i don't remember anything. really. will anybody who i saw on these two days pls come tell me and refresh my memory about what i did. or i will have lost 2 days of my life. lol
wednight/thursmorning : stayed up to watch liverpool completely OWN juventus. me and waileong were smsing each other getting heart attacks and talking about how sad baros is. seriously even eddy's greatgrandmother could have scored that. even WAILEONG could have scored that lol. but nvm liverpool gosulated juventus and we are in teh semifinals!!! liverpool FTW!!! lol. but going to school with 0.5 hours of sleep is bad.
thursday : went to school for physics test! =( failed it terribly. have no idea wtf are the ideal gases formulae and what the hell affects internal energy etc. i am prepared for 0 marks. secondly...after the physics test...we had physics lab. because she was going through some rubbish i fell asleep. ok i didn't need the excuse that she was going through some rubbish to fall asleep but nvm. when i woke up...i felt terrible. my head hurt. i felt dizzy. i felt nauseous. i went to the toilet for a short while to dry vomit. and after the entire lesson...i felt like i would die if i stood up. and then bonks started telling me about how one of my eyes was entirely red and bloodshot. bleah. so anyway i signed out of school and went to see a doctor. the doctor said i had caught stomach flu and that my body is kind of weak now due to "bad sleeping habits and stress" no arguments with the first one but like STRESS omfgwtfbbq?? went home died in bed and did nothing else for the rest of the day.
friday : refer to below entry. after i finished my gp essay at abt 12+ i went to rj because my parents were both home and nagging me about something which i don't remember at all so i just went out of the house. met waileong and edmond in rjc. stoned around. played chinese chess with geoffrey and his friend. waited for waileong to pon chinese and meet me. joshua chin joined us also. edmond finished later so we went to j8 to stone around and wait for him. and we met waileong's friend, kevansoh aka starfish to pay him the money that waileong owes him lol. he also gave us some card about some tuition agency he works for so if anyone needs tuition tell me and i'll give u his number lol =p
saturday : wasn't feeling very well still but went out with sinchi cai dings teja dathau and met luap later. went to the smrt club to play pool/badminton/tabletennis all of which i suck at =( ohwells lol nvm i will play MORE!
sunday : ran zf and maraudon. enough said. -.-
ok i'll continue another time i'm kinda bz now lol

pehpeh at 8:21 PM

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Evanescence - Missing
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

pehpeh at 11:56 AM

Friday, April 15, 2005

haiz...i'm at home doing my gp essay now because i'm sick =( anyways...for some reason i've been thinking about relationships. i think too many people take this too casually. for me a relationship is a total commitment to somebody special to you, to be willing to stay by that person all the time, to help the person get up when he/she is down, to be willing to spend the rest of your life with that person...i never ever want to hurt someone because i made a commitment to her when i didn't know better and ended up breaking off the relationship just because i didn't think about it enough before jumping feet first into it. similarly i never ever want to be hurt like that also...so i doubt i'll ever pick up the courage to ever ask anyone. well if that is how it is to be...=(
sometimes i look at couples and i envy them a little. to have found that special person for you. to have found a special world where the two of you can live in in perfect serenity. ok i have to go back to doing my gp essay i'll continue this later

pehpeh at 9:26 AM

Thursday, April 14, 2005

=( i fell sick again. bleahs. i have stomach flu. will sleep now.

pehpeh at 6:07 PM

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

You hate not to love but you hate to fall in love.
You can't help but sigh when you see to people
kiss in the park and all. You don't like to go
over board and believe in a small steady
relationship at first so that it can grow. You
also like to think that you can have that kiss
that puts you into a portal and you can't get
back until he/she stops.

How much do you love? GOOD PICS
brought to you by Quizilla

pehpeh at 9:49 PM

You're a very mellow, care-free person. Your
exactly what calm, cool, and collected mean.
You never overreact or panic in a bad situation
and you always know what to do. Everyone goes
to you for advice because you never lose your
head so your very reliable. You tend to take
everything in stride, like in school your moto
is just sit back and relax not to say you dont
pay attention and work, but you dont overexert
yourself. Even though people come to you for
counciling(sp?) you can still be very quite,
your not good with making new friends, but your
extremely close to the ones you have. Remember
its ok to put your emotions out there even
though there is a chance they might get hurt.
Also in school sometimes its good to stress out
a little, just because you think you dont need
to study doesnt mean you should'nt, and also
try to push yourself more even though you might
be good where you are doesnt mean you can,t be
better.

Whats Your Personality(with PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

pehpeh at 9:46 PM

innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it
that way

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

pehpeh at 9:42 PM

You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

pehpeh at 9:28 PM

You are Carbuncle! Rather than attacking, you help
protect party members from taking damage.
You're always there when you're needed, and
you're a cutie to boot

What Final Fantasy summon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

pehpeh at 9:24 PM

Sunday, April 10, 2005

You are the Spirit of Hope. Whenever someone is
feeling down, they merely have to think of you
to make them happy again. You have the ability
to simply radiate happiness. You can make
friends quickly because your strong point is
your amazingly friendly nature which naturally
people want to be with. You think about the
best in everything, a total optimist, you won't
have any trouble getting a worthy person to
shae your life with!

Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

pehpeh at 4:27 PM

Your element is Wind. You are the guy/girl that is
unpredictable. No one knows what you're going
to do next and what you're in the mood for.
Studying is not your thing and you would rather
go to a party than stay home. Life is just for
fun and you need to be free to live according
to you. You waste no time on lies, if you feel
or think one thing you say it even if it hurts.
Of course, people may be quite upset but that
doesn't really bother you. Its not that you
don't care, because you do, but in these
situations it's a waste of time. You live up in
the clouds and are quite a dreamer about life.
People often consider you beautiful, but harsh
and they would think twice before getting to
know you. But once they do, they'll learn that
you are always willing to take yourself and
your friends on adventures. Never will it be a
boring time with you and your friends
appreciate that. You are not often seen sad,
but you have your times. If someone has been
mean to you, you can quite easily trash-talk
them for betraying you. Nevertheless, you are
most of the time a good spirit who just want to
have some fun. Rate and message!

What is your element? [with pics + 7 outcomes + detailed answeres!]
brought to you by Quizilla

pehpeh at 4:13 PM

If an Electric Dragon flies by your house, all the electic appliences over surge and your TV flickers...

Your an electric Dragon! Well, Well, Well, Speedy!
Electic dragons are just do darn quick, which
means you must be quick at something. Whether
its running, swimming, or answering questions,
you are super speed. But of course, you have a
craze for video games or computers. You can
play amazingly at any game or at least try to.
Go you!

What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

pehpeh at 4:09 PM

hmm. i've been reading through all my old blog entries,because i just found out the archiving code and added it to my blog. lol. well...they just serve to remind me of how i behaved, how i thought about stuff when i was in sec 4. i look back and wonder how i changed so much from sec 4. in sec 4 i was truly happy all the time, whether out with friends or at home or in school. now most of it has disappeared. at home i hide myself in my room and seldom go out to talk to my family members, even my sister. in school i may look happy or cheerful or happy-go-lucky...sometimes i do feel that way, but its sometimes its just forced...and i think i spend much much more of my time stoning now. in sec 4 i would sleep in class...but the minute i woke up i would be cheerful, happy, laughing. now when i wake up in class...i just look around...stare blindly at the lesson going on, not absorbing a single word, not talking, not laughing, nothing. i just stone. i think the only times i'm really happy now is when i'm out with my friends...where i can really relax and laugh and be myself. i miss my sec4 days =(
and i'm really lethargic nowadays...haiz. this feels really weird. in sec3/4 i was active to the point that mrsmaas thought i was hyperactive -.- nowadays its like haiz...can't be bothered...no energy...no point...etc. haiz. hope this passes =(

ps. i'm blatantly ignoring all the rubbish on my tagboard =p

pehpeh at 3:21 PM

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Your element is Air: Carefree, lovable, fun and
childish. Arent you cute! Your just full of
childhood spunk and happiness! Hey who said
being young was a bad thing? You have a keen
understanding of whats good in life and choose
to remain happy rather than get too upset over
things. Life is fun, who wants to be troubled
by grown-up problems? Being as capable of love
as you are you will make a wonderful parent if
and when you choose to grow up. You have what everyone
is searching for, that so called 'fountain of
youth' deep inside. You can come across as
naive and childish at times. But who cares what
they think, lets go play tag!

pehpeh at 7:53 PM

haiz...fell sick today =( went to see the doctor again. is it bad when u walk in and the doctor says "u again? i tell u its your sleeping and eating habits" before i even sit down in the chair. =/ however, amazingly it has nothing to do with my eating and sleeping habits. i've caught a flu =( and the doctor gave me two days MC and told me to take care of myself better. my life sucks. its soooo screwed up.
bleah i'm still feeling sick and dizzy and nauseous so i shall stop blogging now and go eat the 1000000 medicines that i have been given

pehpeh at 4:36 PM

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

"that shot you made was UNpossible" - random CS pub retard

haiz...my life is a wreck. acjc is fine. despite what my retarded CT thinks, i am not unhappy at ac and i DO NOT look qian bian -.- i am just badmannered to my econs teacher who suans RJC all the time. yes you are entitled to your opinion but so am i, and i think you and your lessons suck. and if u don't like it too bad, i don't like your opinion either but i'm shutting up and just taking it.
haiz...been very down lately...don't know why alsos...i think i'm going to fall sick again soon =( i've been very antisocial lately, sorry to my acjc class...and when i'm at home i spend alot of time looking out the window next to my com and wondering about how my life is going to turn out, and the more and more i think about it the more and more convinced i am that my life sucks and isn't worth living. haiz. i look at other people's lives and wonder why mine is so screwed up compared to theirs. i know i have it easier den most people already...but still =( haiz...oh wells

http://www.xuxule.com/lyric.asp?cdID=04-0757&songNo=10
anyone wants this song can ask me on msn...

pehpeh at 12:33 AM

Monday, April 04, 2005

i love trowa

WANKER IS BACK (trowa) says:
hmmm
WANKER IS BACK says:
wanna go out in the morning
[\/\/ | |_ |_ | 4 /\/\] back in sg says:
kk
[\/\/ | |_ |_ | 4 /\/\] back in sg says:
where?
WANKER IS BACK says:
i got hockey at 4:30pm
WANKER IS BACK says:
so morning after taking attendance im walking out of sch lol
WANKER IS BACK says:
fuck tutorials
WANKER IS BACK says:
all for n000bszz

pehpeh at 8:58 PM

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Jesse McCarthy - Beautiful Soul
Chorus:

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I want to chase
You're the one I want to hold
I won't let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

Chorus

yeah

You might need time to think it over
But I'm just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry, c'mon let's try

Chorus

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just want to know that you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I dont want snother pretty face
I dont want just anyone to hold
I dont want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Youre the one i want to chase

pehpeh at 10:02 AM